failure.

"big girls don't cry" - courtesy of Flikr.com

I'm a failure. really. I am. A big one.
But when you think about it isn't everyone of us humans a failure? Not saying that we were God's science experiment gone wrong. No I'm not saying that. I'm saying that we can't ever do anything right. Without God that is.
Example.
Tonight. Right when I get home from choir all I want to do is eat. Cause I'm hungry (and I still haven't gotten around to eating yet.) And my dad was like "you need to clean up this kitchen. right now." and to me it wasn't very nice. but it wasn't mean either. it was more with annoyance. I was like, "ok just let me eat first." and he says, "no you can do it right now." And typical me gets mad and starts doing the kitchen with a very bad attitude. (how can such a great day go bad within 5 minutes?) Anyway. I'm the type of person, at this stage in my life, that doesn't want to do the kitchen until absolutely necessary. And most every single time I have to clean it I get mad. Why is that? Why can't I learn to love to clean it. Now give me the living room any day thats fine. Its just that darn kitchen I hate. Why can't I learn.
I guess thats what I mean when we are failures. The majer mistakes we don't make that often once we've made them.
I think my problem is that I ask God to help with it. And you know when you ask Him to help you like that He WILL throw in those tempting times to get upset.
Like when you ask Him for patience. You want to just be patient. No. Thats not gonna happen. Its like any other thing. It takes practice. And how are you supposed to practice if you don't have a situation to practice on??
When you ask to be patient, or to have a better attitude about things, He is gonna throw those things in your way so that you can learn.
So God knows I want to be patient, and have a better attitude... So now my prayer is that He will give me the eyes to see when I could get upset or loose my temper, and give me the wisdom to choose otherwise.
So here I am.
I am a failure.
I can't learn as much I as wanna learn. But even then I don't have the diligence to study and learn. What is wrong with me?.
ohh wait.
I human.
So there you go. I am a human. A failure. But God still loves me.
and whats even more wonderful. He won't give up on me. =)