they're real.

These are actual Newspaper articles and stuff.. its quite hilarious.

* Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
* Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
* Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
* Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
* 3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
* Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
* Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
* Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
* For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
* Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
* Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.


Actual labels instructions on consumer products:
* On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
* On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
* On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
* On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
* On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
* On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
* On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.
* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
* On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
* On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

think.com

ohh and I made the ones i like bold or italic. just so you know. i thought those were funny.

hahhahaha!